To love or not to love, that is the question. Many people are so afraid of being hurt that they hold back and end up never finding, or letting in, true love. The inspirational quote from today advises us to let love in and we will win. Taylor Swift is known for her interactions with her fans, and apparently also offers advice on love. The 24 year old star is also known for her many unsuccessful relationships, which she frequently uses as fodder for her songs, so despite her young age she is coming from a place of experience. Following is an excerpt of her advise to one of her fans, given on Instagram, regarding unrequited love:
I think we grow up thinking the only love that counts as true love is the kind that lasts forever or is fully realized. When you have a broken heart, the first thing a stranger will ask is ‘how long were you two together?’ As if your pain can be determined by how long you were with someone. Or if you were with them at all. I don’t think that’s how it works. I think unrequited love is just as valid as any other kind. It’s just as crushing and just as thrilling. No matter what happens in this situation, I want you to remember that what you are doing is selfless and beautiful and kind. You are loving someone purely because you love them, not because you think you’ll ever have your affections reciprocated. You are admiring something for its beauty, without needing to own it. Feel good about being the kind of person who loves selflessly. I think someday you’ll find someone who loves you in that exact same way.
…more here Taylor Swift Offers Love Advice to Young Fan on Istagram | Huffington Post
Once you’re in love, then it becomes a question of how to keep that flowing into a long-term relationship or even one that carries you both to a united finish line. Friendship is the glue that keeps people together after the initial rush of passion has invariably passed. It will generally be the small things you do, both for each other and together as a team, which will add up to the feelings you share, as well as building your shared experiences as an exclusive foundation. One further uniting factor is having weathered times good and especially bad, which fosters a feeling of camaraderie not uncommon to that felt among men who’ve experienced war together. Following is excerpt from advice on making love last from noted gerontologist Dr. Karl Pillemer, author of “30 Lessons for Loving: Advice From the Wisest Americans on Love, Relationships and Marriage.”:
The romantic spark is important, but over the long term there has to be something more, and that is friendship. A core aspect of that is the ability to embrace your partner’s interests, even if you aren’t initially particularly interested.
Pay attention to and make a habit of small, positive everyday actions. Say it’s a cold, rainy morning, and it’s your partner’s day to walk the dog. You offer to do it instead. Or you surprise your partner by cleaning out the garage to give him a break. And don’t forget to give compliments. A major regret I heard was not expressing enough positive feelings, and of too often taking the other for granted. Marriage is made up of thousands of micro-interactions. If you can keep creating positive feelings in those small ways, that will have a major impact.
Being in love is hard work, however the return on your invested efforts is the wonderful feeling of really connecting with another human and the joy of sharing a life together.